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Adopting a new pet after a much-loved companion has died is a dilemma
for many people. It is very important to consider the following factors:
Do not rush into any decisions until you have had time to sort out your feelings. Well meaning family members and friends may suggest adopting a new animal as a means to offer comfort and support. Although well intentioned, this suggestion may be inappropriate and even hurtful. Much depends upon your unique personality and how you work through your own grief process.
Many people find it difficult to grieve fully for one pet while attempting to bond with a new one. Others can do both simultaneously while still grieving in the ways they need to. The desire to adopt a new animal immediately following the death of a beloved one can often be driven by the need to avoid or circumvent the pain of grief. In our experience, when pet owners attempt to "replace" a companion that has died, they complicate the grieving process by adding the burden of guilt (the new pet is often nothing like the one who died).
When pet owners expect
or need something specific from an animal and do not receive it, they
often fail to adequately bond with the new pet. It is important to consider
the needs, behaviors, and lifestyle of a new animal and how they may differ
from those of the animal that died. For example, a person who has enjoyed
the companionship of an elderly golden retriever for many years may be
used to a quiet, calm, and rather predictable home routine. That person
may find it difficult to adjust to the unpredictable, active, and demanding
home routine that a new golden retriever puppy would require. Never bring
a new pet into your family without discussing it ahead of time with all
family members. Bringing a new pet into the family before all members
are ready can hurt or offend them by implying that the pet's death is
relatively insignificant and that loved ones are easily replaced.
When you feel ready to accept a new relationship into your life, you may
consider adopting a new pet. The time frame for this is different for
everyone. Some people can honor the memory of a deceased pet and successfully
bond with a new one without feeling guilty or distracted, others need
more time alone to integrate the loss into their lives. The key is to
know why you want this new companion. If you are hoping to avoid the grief
over the death of your previous pet, you might give it some additional
time. If you feel that you have grieved and want to open yourself again
to a new relationship, your heart is probably telling you that you are
ready.
If you adopt a new companion and start to feel guilty for "betraying" the memory of your deceased pet, remember that you do not have to "choose" between your new companion and the one that died. Your love is not limited-- you are capable of loving more than one pet at a time, both living and dead. You will love them both, just in different ways and for different reasons.
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